I'd already decided not to renew my subscription to the Magazine, but by page 26 I was ready to not only not renew, but cancel my current subscription and burn every back issue in the house.
Ok, not really. I wouldn't cancel - it's already paid for. And I would never waste good magazines - I always donate to a hospital or library.
It was just page after page of incongruity that got to me. The cover was very autumnal, white pumpkins halo'd by twig and berry wreaths on a pretty orange tablecloth. Where the hell do you even find albino pumpkins? I've not seen those in the aisles at Walmart. Eh. Flipping, flipping. Ahhh, isn't that nice. Page five, a cute living room, a sofa, a bookcase, coffee table, end table, tasteful artwork. But do you know what is the best thing about this picture? It's clean, dust-free, orderly, everthing in its place. This is what we really want. Someone to clean our house. I'd rather have someone clean it than design it anyday. Flip, flip, flip. Page 18 caught my eye because it had a cute guy holding a steaming cup of coffee. Oh, for me? God, a cup of coffee sounds really good right now! On the facing page is a picnic. A thermos and two cups sit on a tray on a warm yellow blanket next to a picnic basket and two bushels of apples. Is that a ceramic tray? It looks very rustic. It looks heavy. Can you imagine lugging that in a picnic basket? Does anyone actually realize how much WORK a picnic is? That doesn't look relaxing at all - I feel a back spasm coming on just looking at this. Flip, flip. Awww, isn't she sweet? She kind of looks like my 5-year-old grand daughter. She's sitting on a dresser in her leotard and pink tutu next to grandma's silver hand mirror and compact. The reflection of the child is cyrstal clear with no sign of dust or fingerprints on the mirror. Flip! Awww, baby feet. What's cuter than baby feet? Chubby, soft, perfect baby feet! I don't have picutes of my daughters pudgy baby feet. I do have a dirty white plaster puddle with a shallow imprint somewhere. Is that a foot or a hand? Why didn't I ever take pictures of MY babies' feet? Ooohh yes, I was completely exhausted most of the time, that's why. Probably couldn't even find a camera. Flip. Milano cookies. Yum. Advertisers are so evil. On the opposite page is a 5 or 6-year-old little boy in a halloween costume, smiling sweetly while behind him Mom, we assume, who is also smiling, as she puts the final touches on a cake. The table is covered with goodies; the aforementioned perfectly decorated cake, layers of coifed cupcakes, tall elegant candy dishes filled with bright candies. I think I'm getting nauseated from sweetness overload. And, by the way, I HAVE a 5-year-old grandson. I KNOW what he would do to that table. Not intentionally of course, but it would not be nearly as presentable, let alone as pristine and unchipped as they have it pictured here. I don't even bother to turn the page. This is ridiculous. Who is falling for this make-believe shit? I mean, really? Candy in clear glass pedastal dishes for 5-year-olds? Uhm - no. The chocolate cake looks good though...
Sad, but my house got cleaned more when the children were home (4 of mine and 4 of his six at different times0 Families that have pristine magazine plate rooms have 18 maids cleaning those rooms. OR they keep themselves locked in 2 rooms and 2 maids keep the rest of the house spotless. Except my mother and grandmother. You could eat off their floors. WHY couldn't that have been a genetic trait?
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